My nipple is on Facebook.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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