Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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