So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
