I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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