Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
