What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
