I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
