Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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