i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
