I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
