Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
