Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
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if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
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The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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