you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
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i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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