I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
