I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
