brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
do herpes really smell.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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