i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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