i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
