Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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