it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
