She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
