Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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