Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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