I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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