Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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