Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
