so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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