Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
