I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
