I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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