I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
