I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
