life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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