I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
