are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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