I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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