how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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