I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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