The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
