I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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