You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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