You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
