someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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