so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
