you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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