I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
