hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
