I love black thongs
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
