I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
