Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
