Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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