i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
bring money and cleavage
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
