five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
