she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
