I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
