Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
