these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
