he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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