i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
