we have officially lost it.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Found your dick twin last night
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
