The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
