My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
