You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
