I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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