My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
