the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
