Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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