and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
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