Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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