I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
