Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
