I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
