return my video game
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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