dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize