Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
