Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm both gender and math confused
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
