Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
