OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
