coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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