when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
