We won't sleep together?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
