you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
