I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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