i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
